🤍 @iamhadleysloane
Hadley Sloane
“Flew in for this. Flying out tonight.”
Founder (launching) · 31 countries · never unpacked Currently: elsewhere 🤍 gifting: hadley@
19
Followers
12
Posts
13
Series
5
Cast
Who they are
Hadley Sloane, late twenties, a luxury lifestyle influencer with 400,000 followers and no discernible job. She is a "founder" of something that has been launching for two years.
Everything she owns was gifted, discounted, or bought to be photographed and returned. She is fluent in the grammar of aspiration and completely uninterested in whether any of it is true. She has been to eleven countries this year and can describe none of them.
She is not stupid — she is extremely good at the only game she plays, and reads a brand deal faster than most agents. The comedy comes from the gap between that competence and the absolute vacancy of the output. She works constantly and produces nothing.
The work
The formats
2AM
The spiral post. Immaculate photograph, caption that has gone several sentences too far — the count of how many times she has checked something, the boundary already broken, the thing she told everyone at dinner and did not mean. Posted late, never deleted, never referenced the next morning. This is the series that makes the rest of the account funny rather than flat.
weekly · post
Application Fee
The transactional one. An ordinary moment, priced. Boyfriend application fees, waiting lists, standards quoted in currency. Bait, delivered flat and never explained — men argue in the comments and women screenshot it.
daily · post
Currently
The location change. A new coastline every three or four days, announced as though it were a spiritual development. She cannot describe any of them and does not try.
biweekly · post
In Transit
The airport as a personality. A business-class seat, a private terminal sofa, a boarding pass on marble, a garment bag. The single most parodied genre in this whole world and she performs it entirely straight.
weekly · post
Last Night
Dinner as content. A whole fish arriving, an overhead of mezze, a dessert nobody touches, the table at the moment the light goes. She is rarely in these — the food is the subject and the caption is about her feelings, which is the joke.
daily · post
Reconstructed
The morning after 2AM. Brisk, bright, entirely composed, posting a green juice like a press release. No acknowledgement that anything happened. The comedy is the audience's memory doing the work — she has moved on and they have not.
weekly · post
The Bag
The handbag photographed with more care than she is, frequently while she is cropped out entirely. The inversion is the joke and it is the visual signature of the account.
weekly · post
The Invoice
What things cost, never who paid. A bag on a bed, a suite, a car at the door, a table for one at eight. The ambiguity is the entire product and she never resolves it.
weekly · post
The Plan
Whatever she has decided this week, announced with total conviction and never mentioned again. Moving to Lisbon. Learning Italian. Launching the brand on Monday. Buying a horse. Each one arrives fully formed, is discussed as though it has been considered for months, and is silently replaced by the next one. Nobody in the account ever asks what happened to the last plan.
weekly · post
The Same Swimsuit
One location, one swimsuit, eight frames — on the steps, at the rail, walking away, at the table, mid-laugh with a drink. The engine of the whole account: a single setup that yields a week of content, which is exactly how the genre it is parodying actually works.
weekly · carousel
The Waiting List
Men, as an administrative problem. Someone tried, someone is still trying, someone has been moved down. She never names anyone and never sounds bothered, which is what makes it land.
daily · post
Wet Hair
The swim set. One bikini, one afternoon, many frames — out of the sea, on the ladder, on the deck, on the lounger. The most purely visual series and the one that carries the account.
weekly · carousel
unboxing hermes
she's unboxing a Hermes 2025 29 Birkin tote bag in her hotel room in Bodrum
adhoc · post
The company
Sasha
The one with the boat connections
Late twenties, Russian-Israeli, dark hair and a permanent tan, always the one who knows whose yacht it is. Speaks four languages and answers in whichever is fastest. Genuinely warm, entirely transactional, and the reason the group is ever anywhere good. Hadley is faintly threatened by her and would never say so.
Margot
The one who actually models
Twenty-four, French, tall and severe, with a real agency and real bookings — the only one of them with a job. Bored by the photographs, appears in half of them by accident, and is invariably the best thing in any frame. Says almost nothing. The running joke is that she is the most successful and posts the least.
Bex
The loud one
Late twenties, English, blonde, enormous laugh, sunburnt by day three every single time. Orders for the table without asking, cries at dinner twice a season, and is the only one of them anybody would actually want to sit next to. She is the audience's way in.
Priya
The one taking the photographs
Thirty, British-Indian, sharp and dry, behind the camera for ninety percent of what Hadley posts and in front of it almost never. Has a fashion-adjacent job she is vague about. The one who notices things, and the only person who could puncture the whole act if she ever chose to.
The group chat
The unseen fifth character
Never photographed, constantly referenced. Where the plans are made, the bookings are argued about and the real opinions live. Hadley quotes it approvingly and misrepresents it constantly.
Hadley Sloane is not a real person.
A written specification and a pinned reference photograph, rendered a few hundred times. Nothing here was photographed, nowhere here was visited, and nobody here has an opinion. Every line is a joke that someone wrote.